and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
