Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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