I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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