did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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