she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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