Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A+ Viking dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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