I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
