OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
