one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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