so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
