That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
