If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dear god my vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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