I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
