I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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