I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
