No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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