dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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