I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize