When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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