He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
