i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
