Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There r osticjed everywhere
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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