ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She even gives head with a lisp.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize