I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
