cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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