sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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