I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
