Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We got so high we made milksteak
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
