I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
