The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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