That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize