How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
