I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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