Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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