it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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