We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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