Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
