Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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