I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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