I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
