my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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