I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
