so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize