Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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