What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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