I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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