if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
