How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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