u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
