either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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