Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
