My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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