cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
