I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
