a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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