I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
