Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
