the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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