Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
