when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
