he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
