Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
