i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
