hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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