ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
