Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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