My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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