when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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