I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
