She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
