Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
