I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
