I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
