Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
