You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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