Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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