all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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