Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
