i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
