Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
