I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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