I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
