You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
