yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
