I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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