We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
