Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
