Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
