this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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