a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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