They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
