I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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